We’ve all been in arguments that spiral out of control. Whatever the reason, these can leave us feeling drained and upset. You can avoid all this negativity and get better outcomes by learning how to argue in a healthy way, avoiding escalation and resolving conflicts positively.
Follow these tips, and you’ll have healthy and productive arguments with your loved ones:
1. Remember that arguing is normal. Arguing is a part of life, and it’s not always a bad thing. Arguing can be healthy! It allows you to express your feelings and opinions, and it can help you come to a resolution.
● However, arguments can become unhealthy when they’re too heated or damage your relationships.
2. Try to avoid escalation. One of the best ways to keep an argument healthy is to avoid escalation. Try not to say things that will make the other person more upset. For example, if you’re arguing about who should do the dishes, avoid insults and disrespecting others.
● Instead, try to stay calm and focused on the issue at hand.
● Don’t use hurtful words or insults and avoid raising your voice. If you notice that your voice is getting louder, take a deep breath and calm down.
● Avoid bringing up past arguments because it will make the other person feel threatened and frustrated. Also, avoid making threats and ultimatums, as threats will worsen the argument.
● You also don’t want to say anything that you might regret later.
3. Focus on the issue. When you’re in an argument, staying focused on the issue is essential. Avoid bringing up other issues unrelated to the current discussion.
● Only talk about the current issue. Don’t bring up past arguments or points. For example, if you argue about your partner not doing the dishes, don’t mention that they never take out the trash. It will make the argument more confusing and doesn’t help to resolve the conflict.
● Try to stay calm and focused. It's challenging to stay on topic when you’re feeling upset, but it’s important to try.
● Be specific about what you’re upset about. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I felt unheard when you didn’t respond to my text message.” It will help the other person understand your perspective and lead to a more productive discussion.
4. Take breaks if needed. If you feel like the argument is getting too heated, it’s okay to take a break. It doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on resolving the conflict, but it means that you need some time to calm down.
● Agree with the other person to take a break. It will help avoid misunderstandings about why you’re taking a break.
● Let the other person know when you plan to come back. This way, they won’t feel you’re abandoning them.
● During the break, try to do something calming, such as reading, listening to music, or walking.
5. Resolve the conflict. Once you’ve taken some time to calm down, it’s time to resolve the conflict. Talk with the other person about why you’re upset and brainstorm solutions that can help both parties.
● Listen to the other person’s perspective. It’s important to understand where they’re coming from.
● Try to come up with a compromise that both of you can agree on. For example, if you’re arguing about who should wash the car, maybe you can decide to wash the car together.
● Avoid playing the blame game. This will only make the other person feel defensive and will not help to resolve the conflict.
● Be willing to compromise. This means that you may give up some of what you want to resolve.
● Keep an open mind so that compromise is possible.
● Be patient. It might take some time to reach a resolution that you can agree on.
Arguing is a normal part of any relationship. It’s essential to argue healthily. Resolve conflicts and avoid raising your voice, insults, and arguments. Take a break, practice deep breathing, and try to resolve the dispute without escalation. If you follow these tips, you can argue productively and respectfully and reach a positive outcome together.